hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
