Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
