They should really pass out barf bags in church
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
