we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
