Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
