I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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