every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
