My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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