I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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