My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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