Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
