did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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