none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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