My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
