I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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