oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
