guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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