my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
