So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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