i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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