I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize