no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
