ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
