The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
