Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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