if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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