i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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