I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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