i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
How's work?
Spinning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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