my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
