Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
