battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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