party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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