I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
