she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
