FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
