Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize