Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it's great music for shaving your balls
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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