So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
