I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
