I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Non-Jews are for practice
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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