you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
