im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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