I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
