Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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