I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
