Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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