Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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