singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
