We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
