My room smells like vodka and shame
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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