ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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