Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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