So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You dont lie about slip and slides
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
