If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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