If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
there is glitter all over my balls
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
