Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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