I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
