she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
