My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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