I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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