If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
