Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Randomize
