I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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