Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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