He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
