During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
