Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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