I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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