Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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