apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
