He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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