Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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